13 books that actually changed how I think
Most books are interesting for a week. These ones actually changed how I work, parent, and live.
I read a lot. Most books are interesting for a week or two, and then life absorbs them without a trace.
These 13 are stand outs for me. I still think about each of them. Some I think about almost daily. One I have gifted so many times over 15 years that I probably should have bought shares in the publisher.
They’ve changed how I parent, how I work, how I host dinner parties, and how I show up in relationships. Here’s what earned them a spot.
The Power of Moments - Chip and Dan Heath
Most memorable moments seem somewhat random and unplanned. Lucky accidents.
What this book makes clear is that we can actually plan and curate them in our own lives, but we usually just don’t bother. I think about this book at least once a month, particularly in the context of how I parent my daughter. What memorable moment can I deliberately create this weekend? It’s a small shift with a surprisingly large effect.
The Art of Gathering - Priya Parker
I am a big fan of hosting dinner parties. Since reading this book several years ago, I started to host them differently.
Priya Parker argues that most gatherings fall flat not because of bad food or boring guests, but because the host hasn’t been deliberate about purpose. Now, whenever I host, I think deliberately about what I can specifically do to deepen the connection that happens during the night - particularly when not everyone knows everyone else. It has made a noticeable difference.
The Happiness Trap - Russ Harris
This is easily the book I have gifted most often over the last 15 years.
It’s about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) - one of the most evidence-backed approaches to managing unhelpful thoughts. The technique I use most is cognitive defusion: creating distance between yourself and a thought so it loses its power. I use it A LOT. Most of us walk around fused to our thoughts, treating them as facts. This book shows you a different way.
If you’re struggling with unhelpful thoughts - and I think we all do - start with this book.
Decisive - Chip and Dan Heath
Yes, two Chip and Dan Heath books. But it’s only because they are SO awesome.
We all make decisions every day, and I often come back to the strategies in this book to help me make better ones. The one I use most: avoiding binary decisions. If I know there’s only one option on the table (whether or not to do this thing), I know that around 50% of the time those decisions fail. So I always push myself to ask: what other options might there be? It sounds simple but it’s improved my decision making immensely.
Storyworthy - Matthew Dicks
There are so many books written about storytelling, but this one is by far my favourite.
Matthew Dicks is a competitive storyteller (yes, that is a real and delightful thing that exists) and his approach is specific, practical, and unlike anything else I’ve read. I use so many of his strategies when I’m shaping stories to tell - whether that be in this Substack, through to keynote presentations, through to my own books and writing. His central insight: the best stories are almost never the big dramatic events. They’re the small, specific moments no one thought to write down.
Deep Work - Cal Newport
This book fundamentally impacted how I work and structure my days.
Since reading it back in 2017, it is now very rare for me to have a day where I don’t spend at least the first one or two hours in deep work and avoiding digital distractions. Emails and notifications can wait until the important thinking is done. If you spend your mornings reacting to other people’s priorities (extremely common, extremely costly), please read this book.
Humour, Seriously - Jennifer Aaker and Naomi Bagdonas
This book unpacked scientifically what I already knew to be true: the power of humour in connecting with people, both in work and in play - and how to actually get better at it.
Humour, it turns out, is a learnable skill. Most of us just haven’t been taught it. I love this book, and I particularly loved interviewing Naomi on How I Work many years ago. She is exactly as funny in person as you’d hope.
Digital Minimalism - Cal Newport
Another Cal Newport book. He had a lot to say and I am here for it.
This book changed my relationship and thinking about always having stimulus put into my brain. I was filling every gap - commute, queue, ten minutes before sleep - with podcasts, scrolling, or something. Cal makes the case that this constant input has a real cost. So now I make sure that on as many days as possible I am having stimulus-free time and simply sitting with my thoughts and, God forbid, being bored.
Highly recommend boredom. And this book.
Attached - Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
I had come across this book many years ago, but I re-read it when I was dating post-divorce.
It helped me immensely understand myself and my own unhelpful patterns that I was bringing to relationships. It gave me the tools to work through those - which resulted in being in the healthiest and, easily, the best relationship I have been in in my life, with my wonderful husband.
Social Chemistry - Marissa King
I am not a natural networker. I find social events where I don’t know many people quite stressful.
This book gave me practical strategies that actually work. The one I still use at every event: look for a group of three. I still remember Marissa King talking to me about the rule of three on How I Work - at any social event where I don’t know many people, I look for a group of three, because inevitably one person is on the outer, and they will be thankful for another person joining the group.
Essentialism - Greg McKeown
A classic, and deservedly so.
Whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed - which happens more often than I’d like - I always think about what I can subtract or stop doing and what is not 100% essential. Greg’s argument is that most of what fills our time isn’t actually important. This book gave me permission to stop doing things and commit to what truly matters.
Give and Take - Adam Grant
I have loved every single one of Adam Grant’s books, but Give and Take is probably my favourite.
The framework: people are broadly givers, takers, or matchers. The counterintuitive finding is that givers end up at both the top and the bottom of success outcomes - the difference is whether they give with appropriate boundaries. I still think about this framework when I reflect on my own behaviour and the importance of being a giver, but doing it with appropriate boundaries. It’s an ongoing project.
Free Time - Jenny Blake
I read this at the beginning of 2024, when I was so absolutely miserable at work and with the size of the team I was managing.
It showed me a different way: where a smaller team could actually be a mighty team and allow my business to move so much faster and be a lot more nimble. Inevitably, I ended up making that wish come true. I’ve spent the last year and a half with my smallest team ever at Inventium - and we’ve had our most mighty and successful financial year. Sometimes the answer really is less, not more.
Thirteen books. Each one of them changed how I think and behave in a fundamental way.
Which ones have you read? And which books have done the same for you? Let me know in the comments.
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Thanks, Amantha, this is a wonderful list and I look forward to exploring some of your recommendations!